totes:

big ups to my roomie for completing 30 DAYS OF BIKRAM YOGA IN A ROW today!
(above image was one of 12 i had to choose from yoga dogs. thanks, internet!)

YES!
Discovering yoga dogs is the second best thing that’s happened to me today. (See previously for the first best thing).

totes:

big ups to my roomie for completing 30 DAYS OF BIKRAM YOGA IN A ROW today!

(above image was one of 12 i had to choose from yoga dogs. thanks, internet!)

YES!

Discovering yoga dogs is the second best thing that’s happened to me today. (See previously for the first best thing).

Cite Arrow reblogged from totes
So this morning was my last yoga class of Bikram’s 30 Day Yoga Challenge. The instructor didn’t seem all that impressed, but oh my GOD my roommates and boyfriend are awesome. On my way home I was greeted (accosted really) by eight highly caffeinated screaming friends armed with confetti guns. I nearly had a heart attack. You guys are amazing!
AND I’m done! I completed the challenge, (and I promise the yoga blogging will subside).
My reward is a free month at my studio. HOWEVER. While saving $175 on yoga classes was the original intention for starting the challenge, I’ve decided instead to blow that cash tonight on a massage and wine-drenched dinner.
(Photo via Danielle)

So this morning was my last yoga class of Bikram’s 30 Day Yoga Challenge. The instructor didn’t seem all that impressed, but oh my GOD my roommates and boyfriend are awesome. On my way home I was greeted (accosted really) by eight highly caffeinated screaming friends armed with confetti guns. I nearly had a heart attack. You guys are amazing!

AND I’m done! I completed the challenge, (and I promise the yoga blogging will subside).

My reward is a free month at my studio. HOWEVER. While saving $175 on yoga classes was the original intention for starting the challenge, I’ve decided instead to blow that cash tonight on a massage and wine-drenched dinner.

(Photo via Danielle)

SOFUCKINGCLOSE!
And its none too soon, because while I am killing it in class, I’ve also been inadvertantly waterboarding myself with my own sweat.
Seriously. That feeling of water up your nose? I get that on the regular and its because I sweat oh around 925-950 oz. of liquid each class, and sometimes during a posture it drips up my face into my nose. No bigs.

SOFUCKINGCLOSE!

And its none too soon, because while I am killing it in class, I’ve also been inadvertantly waterboarding myself with my own sweat.

Seriously. That feeling of water up your nose? I get that on the regular and its because I sweat oh around 925-950 oz. of liquid each class, and sometimes during a posture it drips up my face into my nose. No bigs.

The cult of Bikram never ceases to amuse me. The teachers constantly refer to the random cheesy jokes he makes, as well as his quaint cliches and advice.
"You can mess with the Gods, but you can’t mess with your knees."
"Keep your legs together, this not like high school." (Get it, because slutty high school girls can’t help but spread their legs around a guy!!)
There are so many, and it’s weird.
HOWEVER. If ole Bikram stood on me like this I would totally be able to touch the top of my head to my toes like this chick. I’m within inches now. It might shred my hamstrings to pieces, but I could at least take pride in having done such a thing, no matter how pointless it may seem.

The cult of Bikram never ceases to amuse me. The teachers constantly refer to the random cheesy jokes he makes, as well as his quaint cliches and advice.

"You can mess with the Gods, but you can’t mess with your knees."

"Keep your legs together, this not like high school." (Get it, because slutty high school girls can’t help but spread their legs around a guy!!)

There are so many, and it’s weird.

HOWEVER. If ole Bikram stood on me like this I would totally be able to touch the top of my head to my toes like this chick. I’m within inches now. It might shred my hamstrings to pieces, but I could at least take pride in having done such a thing, no matter how pointless it may seem.

I knew this GIF would be good for more than one use. Pex-flexin’ guy was in yoga again today. Flexin’ away.

I knew this GIF would be good for more than one use. Pex-flexin’ guy was in yoga again today. Flexin’ away.

I’m behind. Day 26 was friday night. It’s sunday. That’s what this whole little experiment has done to me-I’m behind on LIFE. I never realized that the most difficult part of this grueling physical challenge would be the TIME. I’m not backed out of two freelance commitments, left work early at least 15 times, and cancelled countless social engagements, all because of Bikram. Tradeoffs.

I’m behind. Day 26 was friday night. It’s sunday. That’s what this whole little experiment has done to me-I’m behind on LIFE. I never realized that the most difficult part of this grueling physical challenge would be the TIME. I’m not backed out of two freelance commitments, left work early at least 15 times, and cancelled countless social engagements, all because of Bikram. Tradeoffs.

I’ve really grown to resent the yoga over the last week. It’s a burden and my knees are killing me. HOWEVER, I am so much better at the poses now. (Except the one above, I suck at twisting.) I mean, I would think something is wrong with me if I weren’t awesome at the poses by this point. Standing on one leg? No bigs.
Either way I can’t wait to be free. On my last day I’m getting a massage and eating a giant, awesome meal with tons of wine at Al Di La in Park Slope. Have yet to go there in the four years I’ve live in Park Slope so I’m quite excited.

I’ve really grown to resent the yoga over the last week. It’s a burden and my knees are killing me. HOWEVER, I am so much better at the poses now. (Except the one above, I suck at twisting.) I mean, I would think something is wrong with me if I weren’t awesome at the poses by this point. Standing on one leg? No bigs.

Either way I can’t wait to be free. On my last day I’m getting a massage and eating a giant, awesome meal with tons of wine at Al Di La in Park Slope. Have yet to go there in the four years I’ve live in Park Slope so I’m quite excited.

Thoughts that go through my head during any given Bikram yoga class
(Warning: Overshare/TMI/Typical Erin Gross-Out Humour Ahead)
Today is day 25. That means I have 5 classes left. I’m 3 poses in. That means I have 23 poses left in this class. After this class I will have 130 poses left with 10 breathing exercises. As of this very minute I have 153 poses left with 11 breathing exercises.
What am I going to eat after this? Crepe? Smoothie? Cheese? Chicken Wings?
Bikram is amazing at branding. He branded himself before anyone realized what “branding oneself” even meant. Now everyone has a blog, and a brand, and a twitter. Ugh. His website sucks. I wonder if they need a blogger.
I bet he and his wife fuck all the time.
Farted again. Does it smell? Affirmative. Does that girl next to me notice? She looks in the zone, so hopefully not.
The smell of my farts has really changed since I started Bikram. Less like actual shit-infused air and more like rotting food. Does that mean my bowel movements are now less developed, and their composition, on the spectrum of food to feces, is closer to food? Hmm.
The heat is burning my nostrils. Someone once told me nostril hairs held memories. That can’t be true.
Find…. Inner …. Stillness….
FIND… INNER … STILLNESS… FIND INNER STILLNESS! FINDTHEFUCKINGSTILLNESS!
After Half Tortoise pose I can inhale so deeply I almost choke on the air. That’s good, right?
I am totally getting a coconut water after class. Oh hell yeah I am. YEAH coconut water.
Girl in front of me didn’t wear underwear today and should have, as I have a prime shot of her grooming preferences.
Speaking of crotches, these pants give me a hardcore cameltoe. Even better, I’ve got a sweat cameltoe, since my inner thighs are sweating like bandits, yet my “toe” is nice and dry. So many things about Bikram yoga are gross.
I wonder how much that girl’s dreadlocks weigh. I’d say around 4 pounds.
Every time we stand up from stretching she lets them hang over her face like Cousin It. I can’t imagine being surrounded by a steaming dreadlock jungle like that.
The girl in the corner is Bikram roadkill. I don’t think she’s done a single pose. Does she think the studio is her personal sauna? Pssh.
Where did these fucking zits come from? I thought Bikram was supposed to cure everything, including acne. Is there medical proof to back up any of this crap?
FIND STILLNESS. Concentrate. Meditate. Breathe in and out through the nose.
The instructor keeps telling me to suck in my stomach. I would like to retort that this is what my stomach looks like sucked in, and I’m sorry my rolls are deceiving you you skinny bitch, but I cannot retort, because I can’t talk awhile I’m sucking in my stomach, and also, I’m scared of her.

Thoughts that go through my head during any given Bikram yoga class

(Warning: Overshare/TMI/Typical Erin Gross-Out Humour Ahead)

Today is day 25. That means I have 5 classes left. I’m 3 poses in. That means I have 23 poses left in this class. After this class I will have 130 poses left with 10 breathing exercises. As of this very minute I have 153 poses left with 11 breathing exercises.

What am I going to eat after this? Crepe? Smoothie? Cheese? Chicken Wings?

Bikram is amazing at branding. He branded himself before anyone realized what “branding oneself” even meant. Now everyone has a blog, and a brand, and a twitter. Ugh. His website sucks. I wonder if they need a blogger.

I bet he and his wife fuck all the time.

Farted again. Does it smell? Affirmative. Does that girl next to me notice? She looks in the zone, so hopefully not.

The smell of my farts has really changed since I started Bikram. Less like actual shit-infused air and more like rotting food. Does that mean my bowel movements are now less developed, and their composition, on the spectrum of food to feces, is closer to food? Hmm.

The heat is burning my nostrils. Someone once told me nostril hairs held memories. That can’t be true.

Find…. Inner …. Stillness….

FIND… INNER … STILLNESS… FIND INNER STILLNESS! FINDTHEFUCKINGSTILLNESS!

After Half Tortoise pose I can inhale so deeply I almost choke on the air. That’s good, right?

I am totally getting a coconut water after class. Oh hell yeah I am. YEAH coconut water.

Girl in front of me didn’t wear underwear today and should have, as I have a prime shot of her grooming preferences.

Speaking of crotches, these pants give me a hardcore cameltoe. Even better, I’ve got a sweat cameltoe, since my inner thighs are sweating like bandits, yet my “toe” is nice and dry. So many things about Bikram yoga are gross.

I wonder how much that girl’s dreadlocks weigh. I’d say around 4 pounds.

Every time we stand up from stretching she lets them hang over her face like Cousin It. I can’t imagine being surrounded by a steaming dreadlock jungle like that.

The girl in the corner is Bikram roadkill. I don’t think she’s done a single pose. Does she think the studio is her personal sauna? Pssh.

Where did these fucking zits come from? I thought Bikram was supposed to cure everything, including acne. Is there medical proof to back up any of this crap?

FIND STILLNESS. Concentrate. Meditate. Breathe in and out through the nose.

The instructor keeps telling me to suck in my stomach. I would like to retort that this is what my stomach looks like sucked in, and I’m sorry my rolls are deceiving you you skinny bitch, but I cannot retort, because I can’t talk awhile I’m sucking in my stomach, and also, I’m scared of her.

I am currently in a constant state of “sweaty.” Sometimes, in the cold, it retreats to the small of my back, but in general, I am all-around sweaty all the time. Thanks, Bikram.

I am currently in a constant state of “sweaty.” Sometimes, in the cold, it retreats to the small of my back, but in general, I am all-around sweaty all the time. Thanks, Bikram.

Ninety-five percent of your practice is simply getting to the studio.
I’d like to throw in an additional 3% for getting there not hungover, hydrated, and well-rested. I hereby declare I’m laying off booze for the remainder of the challenge. That’s only eight days, but I want to remove any barrier toward kicking ass for the final week. Thanks to Saturday night, yesterday may have been my worst performance yet.
Pretty sure I got too comfortable in going each day (like, hey, its not that hard!) that I lost the habit of forcing myself to drink water (you really do have to force it beyond normal feelings of thirst), going to bed early, watching my coffee intake and holding back on drinking. Now that I’m in the home stretch, I’m going to make a push to take care of myself so I’m not limping across the finish line.

Ninety-five percent of your practice is simply getting to the studio.

I’d like to throw in an additional 3% for getting there not hungover, hydrated, and well-rested. I hereby declare I’m laying off booze for the remainder of the challenge. That’s only eight days, but I want to remove any barrier toward kicking ass for the final week. Thanks to Saturday night, yesterday may have been my worst performance yet.

Pretty sure I got too comfortable in going each day (like, hey, its not that hard!) that I lost the habit of forcing myself to drink water (you really do have to force it beyond normal feelings of thirst), going to bed early, watching my coffee intake and holding back on drinking. Now that I’m in the home stretch, I’m going to make a push to take care of myself so I’m not limping across the finish line.