there. i said it.

The below was, of course, from day 19.

The weird hairy guy next to me in yoga today did nothing but flex his pecs back and forth THE ENTIRE TIME. I was so appalled that I made a GIF about it.

So each Bikram class follows the exact same set of poses and there is a set dialogue that goes along with it, too. Basically, the teachers don’t have a ton of freedom to stray from the dialogue, and there are certain phrases like “lock your knee” that are mandatory and repeated by all of them.

But today, after a class with a teacher who stuck very closely to the dialogue, I realized something hilarious about it. Its in Engrish.

Why else would MULTIPLE teachers who are all native English speakers use phrases like “Wrap your arms each other” and “twist like rope.” And “Squeeze your Mouth-throat.” And “Adjust your towel-mat.” And “Adjust your wrist-palms.” And “Grab your elbows each other.” There are so many more weird turns of phrase that I can’t remember.  Hearing one person say them, you wouldn’t think it odd. Hearing 10 different people say the exact same phrases, you wonder what shitty public school taught them about articles and noun-verb agreement. Or what German speaker told them that mashing nouns together makes a word.

(via simplylauren)

need…more…sleeeppppp….

I think today Bikram called my name. Like a little prayer. But seriously, class today was like a series of revelations. Here’s one example:

Have you ever had that feeling of crazy uncontrollable heart palpitations when you get word of something potentially horrifying or embarrassing? You don’t even know what that thing is, you just know something scary that you can’t control is coming your way. Like when you get an out-of-the-blue email that your boss “would like to chat,” or a cryptic “hey” IM from someone random, with a loooooong paaaaaause before they tell you what they want? Or you see a new comment on your blog, or you see an email in your inbox with the subject line, “CORRECTION”? Your mind races with fear over what news is coming and you CAN NOT slow down your heartbeat? Well anyways, mini panic attacks like that happen to me all the time, and I think I finally figured out how to get over that.

You breathe.

Yoga is seriously making me into a sappy, obvious piece of shit, but hear me out.

There are a certain poses in class where I am certain I will have an heart attack, because sweat is bubbling on my skin and pouring down my leg and in my eyes and the humidifiers (yes, multiple) are spewing hell-hot air, hotter than the 34th St R platform in August, and I can’t breathe and I am standing on one leg, with the other one straight up in the air and my arms twisted around each other, and if I exhale everything is going to CRASH to the floor, and then I exhale, and then I inhale, and exhale again, and somehow no limbs turn to jelly, and I start to actually feel stronger, and suddenly, I am using the breath as a TOOL to make me calmer, and I am breathing sloooowly and to a rhythm and my heart rate is falling, and I could stand in this ridiculous one-legged pose forever.

So take that, nasty stranger on the internet who thinks he can ruin my day with a sad little anonymous comment. I am SIGHING the stress away.

In other news, my increasingly muscular (read: large) thighs busted through my favorite pair of jeans today. It’s come to this. Chub rub is killing off my wardrobe.

(via postnewyork)

Yep, it may not be cool, but out of all the new books on the financial crisis, I am SUPER excited to read Too Big To Fail, or as many would refer to it, Too Big To Read. It’s 600 pages.

It’s not even that I am interested in finance (I’m not) or that I love the author (I don’t). I’m just a sucker for any well-reported true tale of rich white guys Fucking Up Big Time. Especially when billions of dollars, be it theirs, someone else’s, or a combination thereof, is on the line. See previously: Barbarians at the Gate, Liar’s Poker, Predator’s Ball, Smartest Guys in the Room.  But unlike those excellent tales of rich dude follies, this is a story I actually witnessed unfold!

I read the first ten pages on the way home and was peeing myself in excitement.